The Other Fourth Grade
by WensleydaleCheddar
Summary: SPA #03 - Episode 717. Dogpoo is frustrated that Mr. Garrison's class is known to be more exciting than his. He comes up with an idea Bluecap does not like. Meanwhile, Mr. Mackey gives both classes an unusual group homework. A background-character story. Rated T for swearing, do I even have to say it? COMPLETE
1. The Point of View of a Prop

_I don't own South Park. This story is set at the end of the 7th season, right after another SPA fic called "Fiona". I hope you'll like it. Please review, even if you don't because I'd like to know what I have done wrong with it._

_This fic is a parody of giving background characters main characters' personalities and fleshing them out. While this is not exactly that bad according to me, it gave me an idea for a funny story ^^. The fic includes a number of background characters who aren't OCs, you can rest assured of that. The most prominent in this fic are Dogpoo Petuski, Francis, Boy with Blue Cap, Lizzy and Gary Harrison. You can find articles about them all in South Park Archives._

_And now, enjoy the story. It's..._

* * *

_[The opening sequence – the one from 7th season. The music plays the third, country style title theme]_

**Les Claypool:** _I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna have myself a time._

**Kyle + Stan:** _Friendly faces everywhere, humble folks without temptation!_

**Les Claypool:** _I'm goin' down to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind._

**Cartman:** _Ample Parking Day or Night, people spouting, "Howdy, Neighbor"!_

**Les Claypool:** _I'm headin' down to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind._

**Butters:**_Loo, loo, loo, I've got some apples, loo, loo, loo, you've got some too!_

**Les Claypool: **_So come on down to South Park, and meet some friends of mine._

_**SOUTH PARK AARGH #03 - **__EPISODE 717 (season 7, episode 17): Fiona_

* * *

_[The sun rises as we see a perfectly normal, Brown-coloured house in South Park. The camera _zooms in to a view of a window_. It seems to be covered in mud and dust. The scene cuts to an inside view of the room. It's unusually dirty. Patches of dirt and dried mud are all over the place, even covering a small bed. Inside the bed sleeps a dirty, pale-brown-haired child, Dogpoo Petuski. He turns over, so we can see his dirty face. He opens his eyes, looks around, then sighs. He gets up on his feet and marches out of the room]_

* * *

_[We can now see a breakfast scene in the Petuskis' kitchen. A black haired woman wearing a white apron, who appears to be Dogpoo's mother, looks at her son. She exchanges a look with a brown-haired balding man with a moustache wearing an orange overall]_

MRS. PETUSKI: Eat your waffles, Donny.

_[Dogpoo raises an eyebrow. He looks at his waffles, then at his mother, then sighs again]_

MR. PETUSKI: How was school yesterday, son?

DOGPOO: Nothing special…

MRS. PETUSKI: Come on, Donny, tell your father what happened yesterday.

MR. PETUSKI: _[in an encouraging voice] _Tell me anything, I'll be satisfied with just one little thing.

DOGPOO: _[unsure] _Well… The kids from Mr. Garrison's class had a new girl in school, the same who stole my allowance before. Then Cartman suggested we came up with nicknames for her, then Kyle started yelling at him as usual, then Cartman said he wanted to become "The Human Cannonball" and he jumped off a…

MR. PETUSKI: _[interrupts him]_ Donny?

DOGPOO: Yes, dad?

MR. PETUSKI: Why do you always tell us stories about Eric Cartman and his friends and not what happened to you?

DOGPOO: But you said anything would be fine.

MRS. PETUSKI: Answer your father's question, Donald!

DOGPOO: Well… It's quite simple, it's just… I don't get much action these days. If something interesting happens at school, it usually happens to them. Our class… just fades into the background, you know? We're just not as interesting as them.

MR. PETUSKI: _[surprised] _What? That's just ridiculous, Donny! Our son's just as interesting as Eric Cartman, and that's final!

_[Dogpoo looks at his waffles again and sighs]_

MRS. PETUSKI: Now sweetie, why didn't you take a bath last night?

DOGPOO: I did! All the dirt just seems to come back! As if it was a part of me…

MRS. PETUSKI: Now, Donny, remember what I told you about lying?

DOGPOO: I'm not lying! It just keeps coming back!

MR. PETUSKI: _[in a stern voice] _Don't be difficult, Donald! Go and take a bath, like your mother says!

_[Dogpoo sighs again and goes into the bathroom]_

* * *

_[We can now see Dogpoo coming out of his home. He looks unusually clean. He walks up to the street carefully, as if he was expecting something. Then, a car approaches him quickly and leaves him covered in mud. Next, a pack of cats fighting each other attacks the boy, leaving him scratched and covered in dust. Finally, a bird flies over and defecates right above Dogpoo. He sighs and starts walking to school]_

DOGPOO'S VOICE: _[only hearable to the audience] _My name is Donald Petuski. But that's not how everybody calls me. Everyone calls me Dogpoo. That's how everyone treats me. As if I was a product of a dog's digestion process. Compared to the rest of my school, I'm just a prop. Sometimes I feel that my job is to create a good background scene for people more interesting than me. _[As he says that, he passes The Boys' bus stop, where we can see Cartman, Stan and Kyle arguing about something]_ What am I known for? Being the most dirty-looking kid in school. No matter how long a bath I take, dirt seems to follow me like a faithful pet. Sometimes I think I'm the most unlucky kid in South Park. _[As he says the last sentence, we see Kenny bleeding to death on the street because of being hit by a javelin in the eye. Soon, Dogpoo approaches the school. Two boys, one wearing an attire similar to Craig's, a blue jacket, gray trousers and a blue-yellow cap, and the other a brown-haired boy called Francis, wearing a brown jumper with a beaver on it, join him. The three enter the school hall]_ And this is our school. South Park Elementary. Quite a big school for such a quiet, little, white-bred, redneck, mountain town. Our teacher's name is Mr. Bart. It's a boring teacher compared to Cartman's class's teacher, Mr. Garrison. It's a shame our teacher isn't a sex addict, pedophile, racist or hasn't had a sex change. At least he wouldn't be so boring then.

* * *

_[The children from Dogpoo's class enter the classroom and take their seats. Among them are: Dogpoo, Francis, Bluecap aka Brad Dixon, Lizzy, Gary Harrison, Terrance Mephesto, Bill Allen, Fosse McDonald, Nelly, Damien Thorn, Mark Cotswolds, Sally Turner, Jenny Simon, Pete Melman and other children. The yet unseen Mr. Bart doesn't come in, Mr. Mackey does instead]_

MACKEY: M'kay, children, you need to calm down and take your seats, m'kay? _[The class quiets down] _Now, kids, I'm afraid to tell you that your teacher, Mr. Bart fell ill last night, mm'kay?

CLASS: _[in unison] _Hooray!

MACKEY: So I have been chosen as his substitute, mm'kay?

CLASS: Aww…

MACKEY: It seems that Mr. Garrison also has got the flu, and the principal chose me as his substitute as well, we have to join the classes for today… m'kay? Now you need to move your things to Mr. Garrison's classroom, m'kay?

DOGPOO: _[frowns at Mr. Mackey, annoyed] _Wait, wait, wait a minute! Why are we moving to their classroom and not the other way round? Why is it always their classroom?

LIZZY: Yeah! Why us?

MR. MACKEY: M'kay… I've never thought of that, m'kay? Fine, I'll ask Mr. Garrison's class to move to your classroom, m'kay?

* * *

_[The other fourth grade's classroom again. The Boys and the other students from their class come in, carrying chairs from their classroom. Cartman comes in first, he has trouble breathing from "carrying all those heavy chairs"]_

CARTMAN: _[pants heavily]_ Guys… Seriously… Guys…

KYLE: _[annoyed] _Cartman, move your fat ass so we can come in!

MACKEY: M'kay, calm down, Kyle, or you'll have to stay in the classroom on recess, m'kay? Now take your seats, children, m'kay?

CARTMAN: _[As the children sit down among the other fourth grade's students] _See? Nice going, you stinkin' Jew!

KYLE: Cartman, stop it! Stop being racist just for one hour!

CARTMAN: I'll stop being racist when you stop being a Jew, Kahl!

DOGPOO: _[to Francis, rolling his (Dogpoo's, not Francis's) eyes] _Here we go again…

STAN: Urgh, you guys, really? This thing again? You've had this conversation yesterday and the result is still the same: Cartman is fat and Kyle is Jewish…

_[Clyde falls asleep on his desk]_

FIONA: Aye, ye lads could stop this arguing, especially when we're in a different classruim. Ye're embarrassin' us.

CARTMAN: I don't take orders from a woman! Especially from female ogres!

FIONA: Shut up, fatarse!

CARTMAN: Ay! Don't call me fat, you Mary Sue!

STAN: …Now you're arguing yourself!

WENDY: Shut it! What must the other fourth grade think of us right now?

DOGPOO: _[to himself, raising an eyebrow] _"The other fourth grade"?

BUTTERS: _[points at Dogpoo and the others] _Aw, they're used t-to it already. Most of us were in the third grade with these fellas!

FIONA: _[raises an eyebrow] _Really? I don't remember that.

KYLE: You weren't even with us back then!

FIONA: That doesn't mean I'm not discriminated against!

KYLE: Discriminated against? What the hell are you talking about?!

STAN: Guys, please!

MACKEY: _[gradually losing his patience] _M… kay… Will you now let me carry on with my lesson or do I have to send you to the school councilor?

CRAIG: _[monotonously] _You are the school councilor.

MACKEY: _[thinks for a second] …_Oh, yes, I am… …M'kay.

BILL: _[chuckles, to Fosse] _Huhuhuhuhuh, It's m'kay to be gay, m'kay? Huhuhuh…

FOSSE: _[chuckles]_ Uhuhuhuhuh, Mr. Mackey's gay, m'kay? Uhuhuhuhuh…

MACKEY: _[glaring at the two] _Now stop that, you two, m'kay? Everyone knows that I'm not gay… m'kay?

CARTMAN: That's not what your mom told me when she called me yesterday.

MACKEY: M'kay, very funny, Eric, hahaha. My parents don't even use cell phones, m'kay?

CARTMAN: _[raises an eyebrow] _Seriously? What kind of old farts are they?

MACKEY: _[impatiently] _Be quiet, Eric, m'kay? So as I'm your school councilor, I'm going to give you a task for tomorrow of writing a psychological profile of one of the students, m'kay? It has to be done by tomorrow and contain a minimum of two hundred and fifty words…

STAN: Hang on, hang on! You're supposed to give us homework at the end of the lesson!

MACKEY: Well this time, it's different, m'kay? The whole class will work on the profile and I now want you to share the tasks with all your classmates. As we have two classes, two groups will have to choose two children who will be the subjects of the psychological profiles. Yes, Wendy?

WENDY: _[raising her hand] _Mr. Mackey, isn't that task singling out those two students and making them vulnerable to the ridicule caused by their classmates?

MACKEY: …I'm not sure what you mean, Wendy, m'kay?

WENDY: I mean the students will most likely use the profile to make fun of one of the kids. I mean, who would be so stupid as to…

JASON: _[raises his hand] _I volunteer!

JIMMY: J-jason? You want t-to be the sub… the subject of the p… the peeh… the profile?

JASON: Sure I do! At least I'll get some attention!

CARTMAN: You can't be the subject, Jason! You're a shallow character!

JASON: _[losing all the enthusiasm] _Aww…

FIONA: Lads, I can be the subject fer ten bucks!

CARTMAN: Fat chance, you greedy bitch! Mary Sues can only describe their hair colour! The subject should be Timmy. Everyone knows that only retards get psychological profiles!

TIMMY: _[glaring angrily at Cartman] _Timmah!

KYLE: _[also glaring angrily at Cartman]_ No, they don't! What do you even know about psychological profiles, fatass?!

CARTMAN: Ay! I'm not fat, you stinkin' Jew!

_[Dogpoo looks up, clenching his teeth, clearly annoyed]_

KYLE: We're not picking Timmy because he's handicapped, Cartman!

CARTMAN: But Kaaaaaaahl, we have to pick Timmy because he's a retaaaaaaaaard!

KYLE: Cartman, don't!

CARTMAN: But Keeeeeeeeeeeeeeehl, we have to…

STAN: How about we just draw straws? That should be fair.

BUTTERS: Uh, that's a great idea, Stan! We'll use my crayons! _[takes out a bunch of differently coloured pencils from his backpack and hands it over to the students]_

KYLE: Wait a minute! Cartman should be the subject! He's the most crazy kid in the entire school!

CARTMAN: Nu-uh!

_[Dogpoo is getting more and more angry, now being red in the face]_

KYLE: Yeah-uh! Don't even try to deny it! You're a homicidal maniac, you have daddy issues, you're an anti-Semite and ambiguously bi!

CARTMAN: …Nu-uh!

KYLE: _[angrily] _Are you even listening?!

BLUECAP: _[in a high pitched voice, similar to that of Kyle or Bradley Biggle, but in a more calm tone than Kyle] _ Well… he really isn't the most crazy kid here. Our Damien has got the most issues.

DAMIEN: Here begins the rule of pain! The new domination of...

LIZZY: Now, calm down, Damien, you butt pirate!

BUTTERS: _[disappointed, finds only a very short crayon left in his hand] _Aw, hamburgers, I've got the shortest one!

KENNY: _[chuckles] _(You can say that again, Butters…)

_[Some boys sitting near Kenny burst into laughter]_

CARTMAN: Well, that settles it. Butters will be the subject.

BUTTERS: _[worried] _But fellas! If I am the subject of a psychological profile, my parents are gonna ground me!

_[Dogpoo bams his head on his desk]_

STAN: We're willing to take that risk, Butters.

KYLE: I still think this is wrong, you guys.

CARTMAN: _[rolls his eyes]_ Oh, please. Nobody needs to hear your Jew mouth rambling about what is right and what is wrong! Jews don't know what's right!

KYLE: I swear it, Cartman, if you insult my religion again...

DOGPOO: _[isn't able to take it and suddenly explodes with anger] _EVERYBODY, SHUUUUUUT UUUUUUUUUP!

_[Everybody reacts with shock. Cartman frowns, Stan opens his mouth, Butters hides under his desk, Kenny pulls the strings of his parka, Tweek faints. Only Craig doesn't react at all. A few seconds pass and Clyde wakes up from his sleep]_

CLYDE: _[yawns] _…Hm? What happened?

DOGPOO: That's right! You should all just shut up! All you do is talk all the time and prevent others from speaking! You don't even notice everyone is fed up with you!

CLYDE: _[confused] _Me? What did I do?

DOGPOO: No, not you specifically, I mean the lot of you from Mr. Garrison's class, especially Cartman, Marsh and Broflovski!

CLYDE: Oh… That's all right, then. _[goes back to sleep]_

CARTMAN: What? This is bull-crap!

CRAIG: …He does have a point.

STAN: Huh?

CRAIG: Oh, come on. You must have noticed. You three are practically the only ones who actually say something in here.

CARTMAN: Well, wha'evah, Craig! If you want to say something, just say it!

CRAIG: I am sa….

CARTMAN: God-dammit! Shut up, Craig! Nobody wants to hear about your period!

_[Craig glares at Cartman]_

DOGPOO: You see? You're doing it now! You're preventing others form speaking!

STAN: _[uninterested] _Yeah, whatever, kid. Here's your chance to speak. Our subject is Butters, what will yours be?

MACKEY: Now hang on a second, kids, m'kay? It seems there has been a misunderstanding, m'kay? You have to choose a student from the other fourth grade and vice versa, m'kay? It's a competition, after all…

DOGPOO: _[angrily] _Why are you calling us "the other fourth grade"? As if we were worse than them? Why can't they be the other class?!

STAN: _[ignoring Dogpoo] _You mean we have to write about a guy from their class? Aw, dude, that sucks!

DOGPOO: _[glaring at Stan]_ What do you mean?

STAN: Well… No offense, but you don't really have anybody who we could write about.

DOGPOO: You mean we're uninteresting?

STAN: Well… yeah.

DOGPOO: _[to his classmates] _See, you guys? I told you, they are patronizing us! I bet you don't even know my name, Stan Marsh!

STAN: _[taken by surprise]_ Uh… I think it was… Charlie?

BUTTERS: Jack?

KEVIN STOLEY: Steve?

WENDY: No, no, he had a nickname! It was… uh… Pig-pen?

TIMMY: _[After a moment of silence]_ …Timmy?

CARTMAN: Yup, my guess as well.

* * *

_[The school playground. Dogpoo and his class walk out of the classroom]_

DOGPOO: _[angrily]_Dude, I can't believe these guys can be such selfish assholes!

BLUECAP: Dogpoo, look. Maybe you're just overreacting a little bit? It doesn't matter if we're not as interesting as them, who cares?

DOGPOO: Who cares? I can't believe what I'm hearing!

NELLY: You've gotta admit that they have some pretty interesting kids there. There's Stan, that activist kid who facepalms all the time and has this crazy dad, Kyle, that impatient Jewish kid with moral issues…

DOGPOO: So what? We have our own token Jew, Francis! _[points at Francis]_ Look, we can't stay in the background forever! We have plenty of interesting people!

LIZZY: Like who, you ass rammer?

DOGPOO: Like you, for example! Lizzy, you're the most foul-mouthed girl in our school, every day some animal kidnaps you and you wear that damn pink hood up all the time! Isn't that kinda original?

LIZZY: _[thinks for a second]_ Hey, yeah! _[enthusiastically] _I didn't realize until now, but I actually fucking kick ass!

_[Bluecap looks at Lizzy and raises an eyebrow]_

DOGPOO: Then, take Terrance. He's a mad genius scientist, his father's a genetic engineer, his brother is a monkey of some kind and all his pets have five asses!

EVERYONE: _[cheerfully]_ Yeah!

TERRANCE: And I am pleased to inform you that my six-assed ostrich is already in the process of growing another ass!

FRANCIS: _[less excitedly] _Yeah!... _[he's frowned at by the rest of the children]_

DOGPOO: And now for Bill and Fosse! The biggest bullies, Terry's sidekicks, known throughout the school for one sentence.

BILL: Huhuhuhuh, that's gay.

FOSSE: Uhuhuhuhuh, that's gay.

DOGPOO: There's Mark Cotswolds, the previously homeschooled kid. He uses a hamster ball to travel to school and sometimes he's faster than cars! How awesome is that?

_[Mark smiles at Dogpoo. Bluecap seems less and less interested]_

DOGPOO: We have Gary Harrison, the Mormon kid. Is he boring?

EVERYONE: No!

DOGPOO: Then I suggest we show those other fourth graders that we can be just as interesting as them!

EVRYONE: Yeah!

BLUECAP: Yeah… or we could focus on doing the project first.

DOGPOO: _[annoyed] _Aw, you see? That's why people like you fade into the background, Brad! All you care about is your stupid project and your stupid blue cap!

BLUECAP: _[angry] _Hey, take that back! My cap is blue, but it's not stupid! At least my clothes don't get dirty every half an hour!

DOGPOO: My clothes don't get dirty every half an hour!

_[A huge truck, driven by Mr. Venezuela, approaches Dogpoo from behind]_

MR. VENEZUELA: _[without looking behind] _Coal delivery!

_[A large amount of coal falls from the truck and lands on Dogpoo. He struggles and finally reaches the surface, as black as… well… let's leave the racist jokes to Eric]_

DOGPOO: _[sighs] _Crap.

* * *

_Looks like Dogpoo is really frustrated with this "staying in the background" thing… Please review, if I get 10 reviews, I'll send all of you drawings of Dogpoo!_

_Wensleydale  
_


	2. Who's the Manipulative Bastard?

_Thank you for all three reviews, I hope you'll stay tuned to find out what'll happen to Dogpoo and the others. Anyway, here's the second chapter. Read, enjoy and review ^^_

* * *

_[Dogpoo, Bluecap, Francis and Lizzy are standing at the bus stop. The background music for the bus stop (like when most episodes start or as in "Professor Chaos" when the boys wanted to see how their possible friends would look with them at the bus stop) is playing. The kids are staring blankly]_

DOGPOO: _[after a moment of silence] _Okay, so how did it go?

_[On the other side of the street we see Gary Harrison holding a camera]_

GARY: Okay, I guess. Hey, how about you now hold the camera?

DOGPOO: _[glares angrily]_ NO, Gary. I told you before – you're not officially a part of our group. You're just a nice, naïve kid who follows us around all the time.

GARY: Oh. That's okay, I guess. _[smiles politely]_

DOGPOO: Now say "Oh, hamburgers".

GARY: _[surprised] _What? Why?

DOGPOO: No reason. Just say it.

GARY: _[awkwardly] _Aw, hamburgers?

DOGPOO: _[whispers to the others] _See, you guys? I told you he'd be perfect!

BLUECAP: _[frowns] _Dogpoo, why have you brought us here? I thought that had something to do with the goddamn project.

DOGPOO: _[rolls his eyes] _Oh, goddamnit, not the project thing again, Brad! This is about something much more important – deciding which class is the most interesting one in skewl!

BLUECAP: "Skewl"? Dude, stop trying to sound like Cartman! That's not cool!

DOGPOO: Of course it's kewl, GOD-DAMNIT!

BLUECAP: I know you're trying to look interesting, but imitating someone is never the right way!

DOGPOO: Listen, Bluecap, I'm seriously! You'd better respect mah authoritah!

BLUECAP: _[rolls his eyes] _This is retarded. Screw you, guys, I'm going home.

DOGPOO: Ay! You can't say that, you hippie! You're the straight man, I'm the manipulative bastard!

LIZZY: "Manipulative bastard"?

DOGPOO: Yeah, you know, we should have four people in our group: the manipulative bastard, the straight man, the responsible Jew and the quiet hooded kid.

FRANCIS: Oh. Shouldn't it be the lovable idiot, the hot wife, the loser son, the daughter who hates him, the comically-sized sadist and the non-human best friend?

DOGPOO: Shut your Jew mouth, Francis!

LIZZY: This doesn't make any sense! I'm not the quiet kid, doughnut punchers!

FRANCIS: _[angry] _Hey! I'm not a doughnut puncher, you… quiet kid!

DOGPOO: Shut up, Francis! Well, you're the hooded kid, so you know what they say – "adopt, adapt and improve"!

LIZZY: Okay, but I think I would make a better manipulative bitch than you.

DOGPOO: GOD-DAMNIT, Lizzy, shut up! You're supposed to be the quiet kid, for God's sake!

LIZZY: _[glares at Dogpoo] _You're contradicting yourself! You said we had to speak up if we wanted to be interesting, you pussyliscker!

DOGPOO: _[closes his eyes in a rage] _Just shut up for one minute, woman!

LIZZY: That's it, Dogpoo, you're a fucking turd burglar! _[walks away]_

DOGPOO: _[shouts after her] _Yeah, go away, Lizzy! Nobody needs the quiet kid to propel the plot anyway! You might as well die! _[to Gary and Francis] _… Now, to become popular, we have to establish some interesting relationships between us.

FRANCIS: _[scratches his head] _Can't we have interesting relationships with girls?

DOGPOO: No, Francis, that's not popular anymore. For example, you and I can hate each other and that'll be interesting.

FRANCIS: But I don't hate you.

DOGPOO: Well, you'll have to try.

FRANCIS: Why?

DOGPOO: Francis, how many times are we going to go through that? I'm the manipulative bastard, you're the responsible Jew! Now try to insult me, Jew!

FRANCIS: Why?

DOGPOO: Because you hate me and I called you a Jew!

FRANCIS: But I am a Jew! It isn't exactly insulting! You even called me responsible, I think that's a praise.

DOGPOO: _[covers his face with his palm] _...Okay. so I said the word "Jew" is an insult. Isn't that insulting?

FRANCIS: _[not entirely convinced] _ I guess so.

DOGPOO: Now insult me back!

FRANCIS: How?

DOGPOO: I dunno, say I'm a fatass!

FRANCIS: But you're not fat! Why should I say you're fat when you're not fat?

DOGPOO: Goddamnit, Francis, stop nitpicking and say it!

FRANCIS: …You're a fatass, Dogpoo.

DOGPOO: Hey, I'm not fat! I'm big-boned!

FRANCIS: But you just said you were fat!

DOGPOO: _[closes his eyes in a rage] _Aaaargh!

GARY: Do I have to record all of this?

DOGPOO: _[after a moment of silence] _… I hate you guys…

_[Finally the school bus arrives, splashing some mud on Dogpoo. He seems to be on the verge on exploding with anger, but he closes his eyes and calms himself down. The door opens and the boys (not The Boys) see Miss Veronica Crabtree behind the wheel]_

MS. CRABTREE: Sit down and shuuut up!

DOGPOO: _[whispers to Gary and Francis, giving the latter a piece of paper]_ Oh, crap, Bluecap isn't here! You'll have to take over, Jew.

FRANCIS: _ [whispers] _Hey, stop calling me that!

MS. CRABTREE: What are you whispering?! Get in and SIT DOWN!

FRANCIS: _[reading from the piece of paper Dogpoo gave him] _Yeah-yeah-shut up, you fat-ugly skank.

MS. CRABTREE: _[yells] _WHAT DID YOU SAAAY?!

FRANCIS: I said I would rather stand, to be frank.

MS. CRABTREE: Oh. Okay.

_[Francis and Gary get in. Dogpoo tries to enter, too, but he's stopped by Ms. Crabtree]_

MS. CRABTREE: Wait, wait, wait! What the hell do you think you're doing?!

DOGPOO: …Getting on the bus?

MS. CRABTREE: Not in that dirty clothes, young man! Now get out!

DOGPOO: _[glares] _Oh, goddamnit, they weren't dirty until you came and splashed mud all over my-

MS. CRABTREE: GET OUT!

DOGPOO: _[terrified] _Aaaargh!

MS. CRABTREE: AAAAAAH!

DOGPOO: AAAAAAAH!

MS. CRABTREE: AAAAAAAH!

_[Dogpoo flies out of the bus and lands in the snow. The bus drives off]_

DOGPOO: …Just perfect.

_[Lizzy approaches Dogpoo silently]_

DOGPOO: _[frowns] _What do you want?

LIZZY: _[stoically] _I just wanted to tell you that I still think I would make a better manipulative bitch than you.

_[Lizzy walks away. Dogpoo pinches the bridge of his nose, defeated]_

* * *

_[The school playground. Bluecap and all of The Other Fourth Grade students are sitting at the merry-go-round]_

BLUECAP: Okay, so we're gonna need some help with Mackey's project. Gary, what are you doing this afternoon?

GARY: _[smiling politely] _I'm helping my parents deliver cans of food to the hungry children in Africa and then we're having a family evening together!

BLUECAP: _[stares at him, blankly] _…Okay, that's… nice.

GARY: You wanna come along?

BLUECAP: _[scratches his ear] _Nuh… No, thanks, I think I'll pass. Good luck with that, anyway. What about you, Damien?

DAMIEN: _[with sparks in his eyes]_ I am to lead my father's hellish troops in an invasion to conquer thine earthen home!

BLUECAP: …Okay, have a nice afternoon. Millie?

MILLIE: Well, Ahm… _[Suddenly stops, as she sees something behind Bluecap. All children look at Dogpoo who has just arrived. He's completely covered in mud and all sorts of dirt, and angry as hell]_

BLUECAP: Dude, what happened?

DOGPOO: Miss Crabtree kicked me out and I had to get to school on foot. Oh, by the way, Francis, Gary, thanks for staying with me. That was reeeal nice of you.

FRANCIS: _[confused] _Hey, but we didn't stay with you! We went by bus!

_[The children roll their eyes]_

LIZZY: _[pinches the bridge of her nose] _You're such a fucking idiot pillow biter, Francis…

DOGPOO: Never mind about that, can I talk to you guys for a sec?

_[Dogpoo, Bluecap, Francis, Lizzy and Gary move to the swings, where Butters is playing by himself]_

BUTTERS: Loo, loo, loo, I've got some apples. Loo, loo, loo, you've got some, too…

DOGPOO: Butters, go away, you wuss! We wanna talk in here!

BUTTERS: _[rubbing his hands, unsure] _Oh… W-well, okay then. _[walks off]_

LIZZY: Jesus, what a fucking pussy.

GARY: Hey, guys, guys! Don't pick on Butters! That's not cool. You can't do that. Bullying? Did you know that in America… hoho, over two hundred thousand students are afraid to come to school because of bullying? At South Park Elementary, we're better than that-

DOGPOO: _[interrupting him] _Gary?

GARY: Huh?

DOGPOO: Shut your Mormon mouth! Look, here's what I want you guys to do now. We're going to the school cafeteria, Chef will say "Hello there, children", we'll reply "Hey, Chef" and tell him about our troubles…

BLUECAP: _[interrupting him] _Oh, no, no!

DOGPOO: What?

BLUECAP: No, we're not doing that thing anymore. Copying other peoples personalities and customs won't make us interesting, don't you get it, Dogpoo?

DOGPOO: Well, at least I'm trying to make us stand out, unlike others!

BLUECAP: I don't care! I might as well be boring, so what?

_[Dogpoo frowns at Bluecap. Stan, Kyle, Kenny and Fiona walk by, talking. The camera follows them]_

STAN: Dude, I still think letting Cartman lead the project was a bad idea. Remember that kid who crapped his pants when we were in the third grade?

FIONA: …No.

KYLE: _[glares at her] _That's because you weren't with us back then!

FIONA: Well? What about 'im?

STAN: It was Cartman who told everybody about it.

_[Dogpoo blocks Stan's way, frowning]_

STAN: _[after a moment of silence]_ …What are you doing, Dogpoo?

DOGPOO: Oh? _[in a mocking tone] _So now you know my name?

FIONA: What dae ya want, lad?

DOGPOO: I want you to stop stealing the spotlight! You think you're so kewl the camera will follow you all the time?

KYLE: _[after a moment of silence] _…"Kewl"?

STAN: "Spotlight"?

KENNY: ("Camera"?)

FIONA: _[after a while, not knowing what to repeat]_ …"Time"?

DOGPOO: But let me tell you something! Maybe you're the most exciting kids in school, but everyone should get their own day in the limelight!

STAN: …Dude, we don't care. Let us pass.

DOGPOO: _[getting red in the face] _You! Shall! Not! PASS!

FIONA: _[whispering to Kyle] _Bluidy hell, this kid's got some serious issues.

_[Lizzy approaches Dogpoo quickly and holds him down]_

LIZZY: Dogpoo, calm the fuck down, you poo sniffer! _[turns around while Dogpoo struggles to reach Stan's neck with his hands] _I'm sorry, he's not himself today.

KYLE: …Yeah, we can see that. Oh, by the way, beware of Cartman. He's planning something fishy with the project.

LIZZY: Yeah. Thanks for letting us know, doughnut punchers.

KENNY: _[walking away with the others] _(Doughnut punchers? That's a good one…)

_[Stan, Kyle, Kenny and Fiona walk away. Dogpoo calms down and looks like he's had an ephiphany. Gary, Bluecap and Francis approach the other two]_

GARY: What was that about?

DOGPOO: You guys! I've just got the best idea ever!

BLUECAP: …What? _[raises an eyebrow]_

DOGPOO: I can't believe I've been so stupid! How come didn't I notice it before?

LIZZY: What didn't you notice?

DOGPOO: Okay, listen! I know what person we need to include in our group! We need… a chick.

_[There is a moment of silence. Lizzy opens her mouth and glares at Dogpoo]_

LIZZY: Excuse me?

DOGPOO: Preferably one with a foreign accent and ginger hair.

BLUECAP: _[rolls his eyes] _Oh, my God…

LIZZY: What do you mean, "a chick"? I'm a girl and you already included me, fudge packer!

DOGPOO: _[glares at her] _NO, you're not the chick, you're the hooded kid!

LIZZY: Can't I be one and the other? This doesn't make sense! Anyway, I still think I would make a better manipulative bitch than you.

DOGPOO: _[closes his eyes in a rage] _You're the quiet motherfucking hooded kid! Anyway, you don't qualify unless you're ginger.

BLUECAP: Uuh… I have red hair if anyone's interested. _[Takes off his cap, revealing his short, curly ginger hair]_

DOGPOO: _[astonished] _Red?! I thought you had raven hair!

BLUECAP: _[raises an eyebrow] _What?

DOGPOO: Oh, please. You didn't know that? Every kid who wears a blue hat has raven hair! It's common knowledge!

BLUECAP: What the hell is raven hair? Raven is an animal, not a hair colour!

DOGPOO: It is so! It means black like raven's feathers!

LIZZY: Ooooh… Like this? _[removes her hood, revealing shoulder-length black hair]_

DOGPOO: _[angrily] _Oh, god-damnit! Why is your hair all wrong?!

FRANCIS: So raven hair is black hair?

DOGPOO: Yes! _[shouts angrily]_

FRANCIS: So why do you say raven hair when you can call it just black hair? I mean, why make it more difficult by calling I raven hair when-

DOGPOO: _[interrupts him impatiently] _Francis?

FRANCIS: Yeah?

DOGPOO: Shut up!

BLUECAP: _[puts his cap back on] _Dude, why do you even care what color our hair is? I never take my cap off anyway.

DOGPOO: You don't understand, Bluecap! It's about the balance between the members of our class!

BLUECAP: Balance between the members of our class?

DOGPOO: Yeah!

BLUECAP: _[raises an eyebrow] _What color mine and Lizzy's hair is influences the balance between the members of our class?

_[A moment of silence]_

FRANCIS: So when you say raven hair, do you mean a sort of very black hair or just hair which has the shape of raven's feathers?

LIZZY: …Francis, shut the hell up.

DOGPOO: Anyway, we have to add the chick to our group as soon as possible.

GARY: But where will we find a foreign, ginger, new girl who's the same age as us?

DOGPOO: _[with a cunning smile] _I know where…

* * *

_[Dogpoo's house. Dogpoo comes down the stairs with another 4__th__ grader who's not clearly visible yet. Bluecap and Francis wait on the ground floor and open their mouths in surprise as they see who accompanies Dogpoo]_

DOGPOO: Allow me to introduce my distant cousin, Mary Sue!

_[The red-haired Mary Sue who first appeared in "Fiona" steps out of the shadow]_

MARY SUE: _[in a loud voice] _Hi, there, everyone!

BLUECAP: _[rolls his eyes] _Oh, God…

DOGPOO: _[leading all the kids to the living room] _She will be the chick in our group from now on.

BLUECAP: _[irritated] _Excuse me, but how exactly is that going to help with our project?!

DOGPOO: _[frowns at Bluecap] _Shut up, Bluecap! Nobody cares about your stupid project!

BLUECAP: It's not my stupid project, it's OURS! Mackey didn't give it to just me!

MARY SUE: _[ignoring the whole conversation] _I'm sorry, guys, but I can't accompany you today!

DOGPOO: What? _[outraged] _You promised!

MARY SUE: Tonight I'm off to my secret job as a superhero vigilante. I'm going to keep this town safe alongside my darling Mysterion!

BLUECAP: _[sighs] _Oh, brother…

FRANCIS: _[scratches his head] _If it's a secret, why are you telling us this?

MARY SUE: I thought you deserved to know, since you're so madly in love with me.

FRANCIS: _[surprised] _I am?

BLUECAP: _[glares at Mary Sue] _Don't confuse him!

* * *

_Aaaand, the Mary Sue arrives. What is Dogpoo trying to accomplish by all that? Will Bluecap be able to get the project done? Will Mysterion, who doesn't even appear until Season 13, be annoyed by his new… er-hem… "helpful" companion? Will Lizzy become a Manipulative Bitch or the Quiet Kid? And finally, will Mark Cotswolds get any lines at all?_

_I guess you have to stay tuned for the update next week ^^  
_

_Wensleydale  
_


	3. Copying Is Baaad, M'kay?

_Thanks for all the support, guys. Finally we're coming to an end. Now there'll be a looong, long break before the next SPA fic comes out since I need to get the basics of either Scots or Gaelic… Either that or I need to find a translator. Well, enjoy, R&R._

* * *

_[An outside view on the Harrisons' residence. Bluecap approaches the door and knocks, holding a notebook in his hand. The door is opened by Gary's father, Gary Harrison Sr., a blond man of __forty__, wearing a polite smile]_

HARRISON: Oh, hello, there, Bradley! _[enthusiastically] _Come on in! Karen! Karen! Look, it's Gary's little friend, Bradley! _[his wife arrives to greet Bluecap with a smile]_

KAREN: _[holding a cake of some sort] _My goodness, Bradley, we didn't expect you here! You'd better come in or you'll catch a cold!

BLUECAP: _[unsure] _Uh… Thanks, okay then. Is Gary home?

HARRISON: Of course, we'll call him right away! Karen's just finished baking the most amazing Rice Crispy squares.

KAREN: With chocolate frosting! Would you like some?

BLUECAP: _[entering the house] _Uh… yeah, thanks.

_[Gary approaches Bluecap from the living room]_

GARY: _[wearing his usual smile] _Hey, Brad! It's so nice to see you! How're you doing?

BLUECAP: Uh… yeah, good, thanks. Look, I actually…

GARY: _[interrupts him]_ Hey, everybody! Brad's here!

_[Gary's siblings, Mark, Jenny, Dave and Amanda run into the room and greet Bluecap]_

MARK: Hey, Bradley!

DAVE: Hi there, Brad!

JENNY: _[Starts hugging him. Bluecap frowns] _So nice to see you!

AMANDA: _[removing her pacifier] _Hello there, Bradley!

BLUECAP: _[raises an eyebrow] _Yeah… Look, I came here because…

KAREN: It's so nice to have you over. Lemonade? _[pours him a glass]_

BLUECAP: _[glares, clearly irritated] _Thanks. Look, I actually came over because Gary and I have some homework to do.

GARY: _[ignoring him, still smiling] _Hey, everybody! I have an idea! Why don't we let Brad join our Family Home Evening?

HARRISON: That's a great idea, Gary!

AMANDA: All right!

BLUECAP: Uh, no, thanks, Gary and I kinda have a lot to do for tomorrow, it's quite a big project, you see…

HARRISON: All right, you rascals, grab your instruments and show Bradley what you've got! _[The kids grab their instruments. Jenny and Gary take guitars, Mark takes a trumpet, Dave takes the drums, and Amanda takes the little piano. The kids launch into song] _

GARY: Yeah yeah, yeah, I love my family!  
My family is the best!  
If we ever have to face a challenge.

KIDS: My family!

GARY: can pass the test. _[The parents bounce softly to the beat. Next scene, the family is back at table for dinner. Mom comes in with a big turkey platter]_

DAD: Oh boy! Who is the best Mom in the world?

_[The rest of the family chatters. Next scene shows Dave juggling four balls] _

MARK: All right! Go Dave!

GARY: Yeah!

_[Next scene is Mark doing Shakespeare's "Macbeth", dressed as a witch] _

MARK: Fair is foul, and foul is fair: Hover through the fog and filthy air!

_[Next scene shows Amanda in Russian dress, dancing] _

HARRISONS: Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

BLUECAP: _[sighs and rests his head on his hand] _…Goddamnit.

* * *

_[Late evening, Mr. Mackey's house. Mackey is sitting in front of the TV, watching Terrance and Phillip, as suggested by the sounds of farts and laughs coming out of the TV. Mackey himself chuckles from time to time]_

PHILLIP'S VOICE: Hey, Terrance! What did Henry Kissinger say to an insurance man?

TERRANCE'S VOICE: I don't know, Phillip, what?

_[Phillip jumps up and farts on his face. They both laugh hysterically]_

MACKEY: _[chuckles] _Uhuhuhuh… M'kay…

_[We hear a sound of a window closing. Mackey hears it too and goes to the kitchen, trembling nervously and muttering "m'kay" to calm himself down]_

MACKEY: _[to himself] _Wh-what was that, m'kay?

_[As he sees no-one, he comes in and closes the window. He notices a piece of paper lying on the floor. He opens it, as it was folded in half. He notices it's an anonymous mail with letters cut out from a newspaper and glued to the sheet. The headline says "A proposal". The rest is intelligible to the audience. The camera now shows Mr. Mackey's huge face, with his eyes widened in shock]_

* * *

_[The scene cuts to a front view of the South Park Psychological Center, a small, green-walled building with a brown roof. It's late at night. A shadow is seen moving in the corner of the screen. Someone as tall as an average fourth grader is then seen going to the window at the back of the building. Now we can see from the inside that that someone is opening the window. The mysterious fourth grader comes into an office of some sort and opens a drawer. Inside, there are some files. The person grabs a handful and searches for something. The fourth grader puts aside files named "Slave, Hubert", "Stoley, Esther", "Stoley, Kevin", "Stotch, Linda" and some others. The kid takes one folder and jumps out of the window again]_

* * *

_[It's about three o'clock in the morning. Cartman is seen sleeping in his bed, snoring. Suddenly, someone knocks on his bedroom window. The fat boy wakes up and sees Dogpoo snickering at him from the window. He keeps knocking. It's somewhat a mimicry of the usual Cartman-breaking-into-Kyle's-house-scene]_

DOGPOO: Tomorrow, Cartman! Tomorrow, I'll show you how interesting my class can be!

_[Cartman frowns and lies down again]_

DOGPOO: Tomorrow I'll pay you back, fatass! Let's see your fat face then!

_[Cartman glares, gets up and shuts the curtains so we can't see Dogpoo anymore. He continues to mock Eric for a while as he gets back to bed, but eventually walks away. After a while, the knocking starts again]_

CARTMAN: _[annoyed] _Jesus Christ… _[He gets up and draws the curtains]_

_[We can now see his surprised face from the window. A second passes and Eric regains his composure. He snickers at the person who has arrived]_

CARTMAN: Oh, it's **you…**I was wondering when you'd turn up…

* * *

_[The bus stop in the morning. The usual music is playing while Dogpoo, Francis, Lizzy, Bluecap and Mary Sue wait for the school bus. Dogpoo is snickering, scheming something. Bluecap is frowning. Everybody is silent. Mary Sue keeps looking in all directions]_

MARY SUE: This is boring. Why don't we start talking about me?

_[Bluecap slaps his forehead]_

* * *

_[The Other Fourth Grade's classroom. Both classes settle down as Mr. Mackey comes in. He looks rather anxious]_

MACKEY: M'kay, children, let's take our seats. About the project, I've decided that you won't get any bad marks for it, m'kay? But I would still like you to read it out, m'kay?

KYLE: _[raises an eyebrow]_ Why?

FIONA: _[glares at him_] C'mon, Kyle, it's guid news! We dun't need to knaw the reason.

MACKEY: It's actually a good question, m'kay? I got an anonymous letter yesterday, m'kay? Apparently someone is blackmailing me, m'kay? It said that my parents have been kidnapped and held hostage, and they would be released if you didn't get any bad marks for the project…

_[Cartman snickers. Bluecap and Francis exchange looks Kyle frowns at Cartman]_

BUTTERS: _[worried] _Holy moley! Your parents were kidnapped?

TWEEK: _[jittering] _We've gotta be careful! If not, we'll be next! Aagh!

MACKEY: M'kay, let's move on to the projects. The representative from Mr. Bart's class was… Brad Dixon, m'kay? And from Mr. Garrison's class, Eric Cartman. Come on, boys, don't be shy, m'kay?

_[The mentioned boys approach Mr. Mackey's desk. Cartman is holding a whole bunch of pages whereas Bluecap only one]_

MACKEY: All right, Bradley, why don't you start, m'kay?

BLUECAP: _[frowning] …_Okay. _[starts reading from the sheet] _The subject of our psychological profile is Eric Cartman. _[looks at Mr. Mackey, he encourages him to continue]_ Eric is… _[stops reading and folds the sheet in half] _I've finished.

MACKEY: _[glares at him] _Now Bradley, what the hell was that supposed to be, m'kay?!

BLUECAP: _[looks down] _Yeah, we didn't do our homework, sorry.

DOGPOO: _[angrily] _The fuck is this, Bluecap?! We trusted you with this and this is how you repay us?!

BLUECAP: _[frustrated] _No, you left me to do all of this on my own, Dogpoo! No-one volunteered to help me and when I asked, you sent me away with some stupid crap! _[looks at Gary] _ And when I thought you wanted to help me, you just wasted my time by doing some random shit! We were supposed to do it together, not me by myself!

MACKEY: M'kay, let's try not to swear, Bradley. I think your class has a severe lack of teamwork, m'kay…

_[Suddenly, Lizzy gets up, approaches Bluecap, whispers something in his ear and gives him a folder of dome sort]_

BLUECAP: What? Oh, okay. _[shrugs]_

_[Lizzy walks back to her seat. Everyone in the class looks at her. Bluecap opens the folder and reads out a file]_

BLUECAP: The subject of our profile is Leopold Stotch, commonly known among his peers as Butters.

Leopold was born on September 11, 2003 (though other sources say it may have been 1989, however, given the fact that he's ten at the moment, that might not be the case) to Stephen Christopher Stotch and Linda Caroline Stotch.

He has shown to be a very naive little boy, having a very warm, comforting personality, which doesn't really help him in real life. Because he's so nice and gullible, his friends often take advantage of him and often use him as a shield to escape from trouble. That is probably the only reason why some boys include him in their group of friends.

Butters is an only child. His parents, Stephen and Linda Stotch, are very authoritarian, strict and, at some points, abusive towards their son — often severely scolding him for circumstances that are entirely beyond his control. This has evidently affected Butters psychologically; he often tells himself off in the absence of his parents. It is also hinted that the justification for this abuse lacks rationality. As additional evidence of psychological problems, he has stated once that he wakes up to the sound of his own screams. He is intimidated of his dominating father, who he is obliged to respectfully refer to as "Sir". His father uses fear as his primary parenting tactic with Butters. Leopold has also mentioned his grandmother bullying him. After learning Stephen was bisexual, Linda tried to kill Butters once by drowning him in a car. Butters briefly mentioned also that his Uncle Budd has committed sexual acts on him, but has not realized that it is sexual molestation. With such a family, it is a miracle the boy is still relatively sane.

Butters doesn't seem to be very popular among his peers, he is very often called, as quoted, "a pussy, gaywad and a faggot" by his classmates, especially a boy called Eric Cartman. His unpopularity may be the result of several things, one being his general shyness and lack of confidence and another of his background. In the first several years of his life, he seems to have constantly been moving from one southern state to another, from where he had got his accent. The Stotches settled in South Park in the middle of his pre-school year, so he had to befriend children who already had their groups of friends, which was not easy for him. His pre-school teacher's near death didn't help him calm down in this new environment and so he was labelled "a pussy" by his classmates.

In the middle of his second grade, Leopold finally managed to make his first real friend, a kindergardener called Dougie McDaniels. They were both outcasts and what is more, Dougie was called a nerd in his class, similar to Butters being called a homosexual. His second friend in school in his third grade was an exchange student from UK, an orphan named Phillip Pirrup. Phillip appeared to be even more naive than Leopold himself. At first Butters saw him as his chance to make his life in school better and indeed, Pip (as Phillip was called) became the class's chew toy instead of Butters. They became friends soon and along with Dougie, they maintained this friendship for a long time. However, this caused Butters to become the class's chew toy again.

Butters has many talents which include singing, tap-dancing and art. However, due to his low self-esteem, he always seeks to refine himself in self-improvement in almost everything, to perfection, studying regularly and often commenting on how he "needs to learn to behave himself" and has no judgment as to when or how to use his skills, and perceives everyone around him as knowing much more than he does. His artistic leanings may be another cause of him being called a "pussy" by his classmates. Another side effect of this is that he is almost constantly worried about being grounded by his strict parents.

Butters' biggest problem seems to be the lack of will to stand up for himself and low self-esteem, constantly putting himself down as well believing he is a bad child who deserves punishment. Butters also has a nervous stutter - it is likely this can be attributed to his psychological trauma. Butters seems to be constantly seeking a role model. He constantly struggles to find acceptance among his associates, hence why he often does menial tasks in hopes that this will earn him favour and respect. His role-model seems to be also his most frequent bully, Eric Cartman. He constantly makes fun of him for his effeminate tendencies and his naive, innocent, nature, often calling him "gay". Butters is his only classmate who does not hate Eric despite all the cruelty he receives from him.

Butters seems to have an alternate personality, called Professor Chaos. He turns into him, when he lands into some sort of trouble or is depressed because of being an outcast. Professor Chaos seems to be a mad-scientist-like villain whose goal is to bring chaos and disorder – in contrast with Leopold's usual good nature.

Overall, Butters is really a good-hearted, weak boy, whose low self-esteem and lack of respect by anyone make him easy to manipulate and take advantage of._  
_BUTTERS: Oh, hamburgers! Now everyone will know about Professor Chaos!  
STAN: ...What?  
MACKEY: _[impressed] _M'kay... That's really nice work there, Lizzy, m'kay? Quite professional, actually, I'll see you get an A... Sit down, Bradley.  
_[Bluecap sits down and glares at Lizzy, who's beaming]  
_BLUECAP: _[to Lizzy] _Why didn't you tell me? Why did you do it by yourself?  
LIZZY: _[smirks slyly] _You'll see, fudge packer...  
MACKEY: Now, Eric, I think it is your turn now, m'kay?  
CARTMAN: Yes, Mr. Mackey. _[reads out his work] _The subject of our profile is... Leopold Stotch, commonly known among his peers as Butters. _[smiles cunningly at Lizzy]  
_STAN: _[surprised] _Hang on, hang on! You can't talk about Butters! He's from our class!  
KYLE: _[rolls his eyes] _Oh, goddamnit, I told you it wasn't a good idea to let him do what he wanted!

BLUECAP: _[along with Francis approaches Cartman] _Wait, let me see that! _[He snatches the piece of paper from Cartman and reads it out] _Leopold was born on September 11, 2003 (though other sources say it may have been 1989, however, given the fact that he's ten at the moment, that might not be the case) to Stephen Christopher Stotch and Linda Caroline Stotch. _  
_FRANCIS: That's completely the same as Lizzy's work!  
BLUECAP: _[rolls his eyes] _Thank you for pointing out the obvious, Francis...  
DOGPOO: _[stands up and approaches Cartman, waving his hands in a rage] _The fuck is this, fatass?! What are you trying to accomplish by copying our work? And how did you manage to get your fat hands on it, anyway?!  
MACKEY: Now, calm down, Donald, let's try not to swear, m'kay? But I must say, he's right, m'kay? You see, Eric... Copying is baad, m'kay? You can't copy, m'kay? Because it's baaad, m'kay? Copying is bad, m'kay? So don't be bad by copying and being baad, m'kay?

DOGPOO: _[still glaring angrily at Eric] _That's right, Cartman! Copying is ba...  
_[Dogpoo suddenly stops yelling at Eric and thinks for a second. Then, he has yet another epiphany_]  
DOGPOO: You're right, Mr. Mackey! Copying is bad! _[excitedly] _Why didn't I realize it before? Copying is bad!  
_[Lizzy smiles. The Boys (exluding Cartman) look at one another. Bluecap raises an eyebrow]  
_BLUECAP: What?  
DOGPOO: _[turns to Bluecap and Francis] _Bluecap, guys, I think I owe you guys an apology. You see... _[the same annoying I-Learnt-Something-Today music starts playing once again] _I learned something today. Just like copying other people's work is bad, copying other people's personalities is also not okay! I tried to copy Cartman and make my friends copy their friends' behavior to become interesting, but I realised that is not the way! You should be yourself, no matter what, even if it makes you boring! _[turns to Eric] _Cartman, I'm sorry I tried to copy your personality.

CARTMAN: _[proudly] _Yeah, I guess I am kinda kewl and interesting, huh?  
GARY: See, you guys? _[smiling] _Everything turned out well in the end!  
BLUECAP: _[frowning at Dogpoo] _Yeah... It would've been perfect if you haven't just **copied** what I've been saying this whole time!

MARK COTSWOLDS: _[out of the blue] _You know, public schools may be a bit lacking in education, but it's the main place where children learn all of their social skills. You can't teach a child social skills. They have to learn them themselves.

STAN: Mark, you know that it's completely irrelevant to the whole subject, right?

MARK: Yeah... I just felt like I had to say something smart.

FIONA: _[mumbles to herself] _Bleedin' fanservice...

FRANCIS: _[ignoring Mark, Fiona and Stan, smiling] _But yeah, Dogpoo's right. Why should we be trying to be interesting? I mean, we're not some characters on some kind of a TV show, are we?

KYLE: _[after a moment of silence, unsure] _...Yeah... I guess we're not.  
DOGPOO: _[to Cartman] _But how did you manage to get hold of Lizzy's work?  
CARTMAN: I think you'd better ask her, kid.  
DOGPOO: What? _[looks surprised at Lizzy]  
_LIZZY: I told you I would make a better manipulative bitch than you.  
KYLE: _[bangs his head on his desk] _Oh, God, not another one...  
BLUECAP: _[to Lizzy] _You planned all this?  
LIZZY: _[snickers] _Yeah, kinda. You see, I had this all planned from the beginning. I knew that Mr. Mackey would give us a lecture about copying when he has heard two identical projects, so I arranged it with Cartman, who was leading the project on your side.

_[We can now see a flashback – it was Lizzy who stole Butters's file that night in the South Park Psychological Center]_

LIZZY: I gave him Butters's psychological profile which I stole from the local clinic. I thought that if I could find Dogpoo's, the lesson would be even better, but that was all I found.

_[We can now see Cartman's bedroom. Eric opens the window for Lizzy in the flashback. She gives him the file]_

LIZZY: I gave the copy of the file to Cartman, who promised to read it out if we beat up Kyle Broflovski afterwards.

KYLE: _[surprised] _Wait, what?!

_[We now come back to the classroom Everyone seems surprised except for Cartman, Craig, who just doesn't care and Clyde, who has dosed off]_

LIZZY: Of course, I had to promise we wouldn't get an F for copying, either, but I had another plan in mind.

_[Another flashback – Lizzy is seen planting the blackmail letter in Mr. Mackey's house]_

LIZZY: I sent a message to Mr. Mackey and... he already told you what it said.

MACKEY: _[panicking]_ You kidnapped my parents, m'kay?!

LIZZY: Just a minute, Mr. Mackey. I knew you'd call your parents as soon as possible, so I had to get rid of them for the time being, m'kay?

_[Another flashback of Mackey's parents sitting in front of a computer and wearing surprised faces. Then it cuts to them driving a car, smiling]_

LIZZY: I got an access to your e-mail account through your home computer and sent a mail to your parents, inviting them over to South Park. They should be on their way by now. I remember you once telling us that they didn't use cell phones so there would be no way for you to communicate.

_[the scene cuts back to the classroom]_

LIZZY: Then, I just had to leave it to Dogpoo to learn his lesson.

STAN: _[after a moment of silence, to Kyle] ..._Holy shit, dude...

LIZZY: How did I do, Cartman?

CARTMAN: _[in an expert tone] _Well, the manipulative part is all right... but the bitch part is missing, since you did it to make him learn a lesson.

LIZZY: I see... I'll try better next time.

CARTMAN: _[snickers] _Hm... I think not...

LIZZY: What?

CARTMAN: You see, you've made your mistake when you revealed your elaborate plan to everyone... I don't think Mr. Mackey will forgive you for breaking into his home and blackmailing him... Not to mention the fact that you stole Butters's file from the clinic... and that even now the police is awaiting you outside to take you to the detention center.

LIZZY: _[in fear]_ Wh-what?

CARTMAN: Here's your first lesson in professional manipulation... You need to be more subtle than that.

_[Cartman smiles cunningly as the police, led by Detective Murphy, burst into the classroom and take Lizzy away]_

LIZZY: What? This can't be happening! No!

_[Everyone in the classroom open their mouths]_

CARTMAN: I hope that now you know that I'm the manipulative bastard in here...

_[Everyone is stunned]_

STAN AND BLUECAP: _[At the same time] _Oh my God! They took Lizzy!

KYLE AND FRANCIS: _[Simultaneously] _You bastards!

_[The four who just spoke look at each other and laugh. Cartman and Dogpoo join the four and soon, the whole class bursts into laughter. Kenny looks around, frowns and sighs]_

KENNY: (...I hate you guys.)

_[THE ENDING CREDITS ROLL]_

* * *

_And that would be all._

_Here's your damn Cotswolds, Coyote Smith ^^  
_

_Since now I can't post trivia in separate chapters, I guess when I do them, I'll post them in South Park Fanon Wikia or in this fic's thread in John-SP150's fiction forum. Until next time, cheerio._


End file.
